We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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