after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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