Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
