It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
