my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
