OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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