I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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