Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
