This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
