My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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