Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
