What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
