Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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