I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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