if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
