I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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