yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
