My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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