I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
