i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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