I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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