3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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