They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
