i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
