you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
