addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
