If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
