So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
