He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize