Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
did i just pee glitter
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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