On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
