dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
