found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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