considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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