So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was born a porn star she said
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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