I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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