Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
