I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
