Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
