do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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