I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
