i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
