It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
