I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
