i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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