Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
