went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
