i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
