I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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