I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't special order awesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
