Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
