oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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