She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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